Tag Archives: My Life

My book update and countdown calendar – Only 77 days to go folks



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My Book : A Belfast Child publication date

Well folks only 77 days to go until my life story is in the public domain and to say Im nervous would be a gross understatement. But when all is said and done folk have always found my story interesting and this has encouraged me to put in all down on paper and has ultimately lead to: A Belfast Child being published within the very near future.

The one thing that was paramount when telling my story was to be as honest and as frank as possible and this has resulted in the book having many epic highs and at times soul destroying lows and although that may be what folk like to read and find interesting it was mentally and emotionally draining at time revisiting my past and having to relive events and times that still hunt and torment me to this day.

But I never wanted the book to be just another book about the Troubles and i think I have achieved this with the tone and theme of the book and I hope folk will read it and have a better understanding of what it was like to grow up during the worst years of the Troubles in the badlands of Loyalist West Belfast. My story is a reflections of all the kids whom had to live and grow up surrounded by the madness that hunted all the people of Northern Ireland for thirty long brutal years and it is their story also.

You can pre-order via this link on Amazon https://tinyurl.com/wzpp5ra

Read my story in : The Guardian

Read my story in the Belfast Telepgraph

Uncle Sam – Extracts from my Autobiography Belfast Child

Uncle Sam

uncle sam

Extracts from my Autobiography Belfast Child


Finally the day for Uncle Sam to be released from jail arrived and the whole family along with friends and acquaintances gathered to give him a welcome home party he would remember. All day long preparations were made for the night’s celebration and the house was awash with food and alcohol of every description. When Sam finally walked through the door a huge cheer rang out and after the greeting and hugs the party got into full swing. Although dad had only been dead a few months and the pain was still tearing me apart inside, I really enjoyed myself that night and for a while forgot about the state of my life.

Uncle Sam was dad’s younger brother and was well respected throughout the estate and surrounding areas. He was lovable rogue and with his swarthy good looks and mischievous manner all that knew him loved him and all the local women fancied him. Also, more importantly he was a Loyalist Soldier and had served time for a cause he believed in.

For your information:

I am writing this as a ten year old child growing up in Loyalist West Belfast during the 1970’s  and the worst  years of the Troubles . My daily life was engulfed and controlled by the “war” going on around me and the loyalist paramilitaries lived and operated among us.

Many were friends and family and that was all perfectly normal in our world. At the time there was no escape from the madness that was stalking the streets of Belfast and many normal , honest , decent men joined the paramilitaries in response to the continuing and never ended terror campaign of the IRA and other republican groups. Sadly the paramilitaries also attracted many psychopathy killers whom used the “war” to feed their dark desires at the expense of the innocent. 

As a loyalist child  I was completely submerged in the Loyalist  culture & traditions  and at the time I was way to young to understand or differentiate between republican terrorists and the nationalist community and like those around me I had been raised from an early age to hate and mistrust all Catholics and the hated Antichrist in Rome.

Thankfully as I grew older my hatred of all Catholics faded and I was to go on to have many catholic friends during my mod days and later life.

Now I don’t judge  any man or women based on their religious beliefs . In fact I don’t give  two flying fecks who or what you worship,  providing they are peaceful and respectful of all others , thats OK by me.

I still have a problem with Nationalism and the call for a United Ireland, but I respect democracy and peoples right to exercise their democratic rights. But that don’t mean I agree with them and I never will.  That means I wish to maintain the status quo in Northern Ireland and hope and pray our people can learn to live more harmoniously together and our children have a better future than the long , dark soul destroying days my generation lived through


See The Loyalist Mod

All male members of the family looked up to Uncle Sam and we all wanted to be just like him when we grew up. That night we were permitted to stay up into the wee hours and when the adults were full of drink the talk soon turned to dad and I was proud to hear them all talk about what a great man dad was and how they all missed him terribly and wished things could be different.

Although we were a very close family, we were typical of the area and emotions were something men never showed and that night I felt proud when I went to bed, knowing that dad’s memory would live long in this house and others were sharing my grief at losing him.

1 painter funny

After Uncle Sam had settled back into life outside jail, his thoughts naturally turned to how he could earning a living and bring some money in for the family. Whilst in jail he had done a course in painting and decorating and on his release he let it become known around the estate that he was available for hire at a very reasonable rate. Before long the work started to come in and if he had a job at the weekend Wee Sam and I went with him and helped in any way he seen fit, which included cleaning up the mess behind him and making endless cups of tea. If we were really lucky and the owner of the house was out, Uncle Sam would sit chain smoking and watch us paint the bottom section of the wall to the best of our ability. At first he was making good money and Wee Sam and I were more than pleased with the few quid he give us after completely the job.

After a while the work started to dry up and Uncle Sam pondered long and hard to come up with a new means of earning some money.

2 stop-cutting-down-live-trees-christmas-sign-dont-cut-please-fully-layered-eps-35203293


Suddenly one day he proclaimed that he was going to set up a door to door business selling firewood and half an half later the three of us were on our way to Glencairn Park behind the house , with a wheel barrel and a chain saw he had borrowed from a reluctant neighbour. When we had walk some way into the forest Uncle Sam stops, gazed around for a moment and before we knew what was happening shouted “ timber” as the tree first let out an agonizing groan and thundered to the ground below.

After Uncle Sam had chopped the tree into manageable sizes, wee Sam and I loaded the wheel barrel with as much as possible and taking a handle each swayed our way back to the house were we dumped the wood in the back garden and went back for more. Later that night we all gathered in the back garden and bagged the wood into bags , before setting off and selling it door to door around the estate. After a short time money was pouring in and we had established a large client basis throughout the estate.

Although what we were doing was highly illegal, we carried on oblivious to the laws we were breaking and chopped down trees on an industrial scale. In Glencairn and the surrounding areas we followed our own rules and pretty much ignored the laws of the land. Business was that good I was able to save enough money to buy myself a second hand chopper from the bike shop down the Shankill. Sadly all good things come to an end and one day as we were making our way to our favourite felling spot, a team from the forestry department apprehended us and Uncle Sam was read the riot act.

1 the riot act

The game was up and we watched with shock as Uncle Sam shamelessly agreed to everything they were saying and promised never to do it again. Wee Sam and I were bitterly disappointed and begged Uncle Sam to chance  his mind. As we made our way home empty handed he explained that because he was out on licence, the last thing he need was the police paying him too much attention or he might end up inside again. What he said made perfect sense and Wee Sam and I reluctantly agree with him. “Besides, as Uncle Sam pointed out winter would soon be over and sales would dry up with the changing weather.

1 loyalist prisoner aid


Another scheme Uncle Sam got me involved in was selling his UDA sweepstake cards. As a member of the UDA he was not only expected to pay a weekly donation or dues to the cause, he was also expected to help raise money for loyalist prisoners and their families. The UDA was run along very strict guidelines and had its own welfare department that raised and distributed money were most needed. This was done in a variety of ways, mostly illegal and generated huge sums of money for the organisation.

At the weekly meeting sweep cards were handed out to all present to sell and most members would take £25.00 quid’s worth and sell then to their friends and family. As with anything he couldn’t be arsed to do it himself, he recruited Wee Sam and me.One Saturday he handed us a bundle of sweep stakes and told us if we sold them all he would give us two quid each, which sounded like a fair deal to me. After giving us instructions on what we were selling and how best to sell them and how much they costed, he sent us of and told us not to return until they were all sold.

1 a pint of harp

He would wait for us in community centre, he informed us solemnly as though he was getting the short end of the stick, when in fact we knew that he would be having a few pints and playing cards with his mates.

Equipped with the necessary information wee Sam headed to the top of the estate and I headed to the bottom and knocked on the first door I came to. After a moment or two a woman’s head appeared round the door and I immediately went into my sales pitch, which I had been working on for a few days and perfected on the walk down the Road.

“Excuse me misses, would you like to buy one of these?

You write your name, pick two numbers between 1 and 50 and if you win you win £25.00.

Price 20p a go,…

most people buy a sheet of five and its  only £1.00 in total…….Oh and the profits go to the prisoners and their families “

“Ah…god love you love, thinking of the prisoners. Go on”, I’ll have two sheets she replied”

and I was in business.

I took this like a duck to water and before long I was outselling Wee Sam on an embarrassing g scale. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was a natural sales man and years later would have a successful career in London selling everything from life insurance to industrial chemicals, but much more of that later.

Eventually Wee Sam threw the towel in and I took over the whole operation. That’s not to say it was always easy. Lots of people turned me away, some were nice about it and others told me fuck off and never darken their door again. but even back then I was a natural sales man and the insults just rolled over my head and I apologized for interrupting them and wishing them a good day I  made my way next door and another  potential sale.

It wasn’t long before I had built up a substantial client basis and when on the job I knew exactly which houses to call at and which were best avoided. For my efforts I got £2.00, which was duly spend on sweets and other treats I had promised myself.


1 car bomb


As I pounded the Roads of Glencairn selling my sweep stakes the war raged on around me and like most people I took it in my stride. I took some pride in the face that I was contributing to the cause, by raising money for the prisoners and their families . One morning when we were all getting ready to leave the house for school, there was a sudden commotion outside the front door and we all rushed into the front garden to see what was happening.

There were loads of armed RUC personnel frantically running from door to door, evacuating the inhabitants into the field outside the community centre. Uncle Sam and Gerry gathered us all up and we went to join the dozens of other families milling about the field. After having a chat with one of the local leaders we heard Uncle Sam explain to Gerry that the IRA had planted a bomb under the car of one of our neighbours, who was a member of the UDR ( Ulster Defence Regiment ) .

This news sent waves of fear and anger through the gathered crowd. How dare the IRA enter our estate in the dead of night and try to kill one of our people. Apparently the man in question had left the house to check the car over before dropping his children at school and going through his normal security checks had discovered the bomb under the passenger’s side of the vehicle. Had he been less vigilant the bomb would have gone off killing not only him, but also his three children and anyone else in the vicinity. This relisation filled everyone gathered with outrage and resentment and once again our hatred of the IRA and their Catholic supporters was justified.

After they were sure that everyone in the immediate vicinity was evacuated, the army bomb disposal unit sent a robot in to detonate the bomb and we all watched in awe as the ground below us shook violently and the robot along with large sections of the car was blown high into the sky to smithereens. We were all kept of school that day and naturally the talk was of how close we had been to being caught up in the bomb that morning and possibly being killed. Wee Sam and I knew the children of the man in question and often played with them after school, so it was with sadness that a few days later we watched them pack their belongings onto a removal van and drive out of the estate never to be seen again.

Like Wee Sam, David and Pickle I felt an immense hatred towards Catholics and Nationalists that day and longed for the day I would be old enough to take up arms and join the war against the IRA and their Catholic supporters. Although I was too young to understand the complexities of the conflict between us and the nationalists I understood that we hadn’t started this war and all the pain and suffering in Northern Ireland was a direct result of the IRA and nationalist call for a united Ireland.

Northern Ireland’s Protestants were a remnant of colonial Britain and we clung to our sovernty like a comfort blanket and the IRA & nationalists were trying to rip our blanket away from us. We felt abandoned and Britain seemed to have turn her back on us The Americans and wider outside world sympathised with the romantic notion of a United Ireland and offered us no support. No one seemed to understand our position and we were living under the brutal, daily menace of the most brutal terrorist organisation of the century and this isolation feed the fears of the loyalist and ensured a steady stream of new recruits for the loyalist paramilitary groups.

During the mid 70s relationships between the two warring sides had reached a new low and innocent people from both sides became legitimate targets in tit-for-tat murder campaign like never before, between the nationalists and loyalist paramilitaries. The violence was out of control and as a child I watched in horror and disgust as the nightly news told of the latest IRA atrocity, as the death toll mounted. Like most of the people around me I rejoiced when news of an IRA or other republican member being killed or even better executed came through and I mourned the passing of any loyalist killed. I hated Catholics with a passion and blamed them on all the troubles of our country and like all around me I saw them as my natural enemy. In response to the increase of IRA atrocities and through self-preservation the loyalist paramilitaries, with the blessing of their people, stepped up the campaign and the streets of Belfast flowed with the blood of the innocent and guilty alike.

See:  The Loyalist Mod

See: Autobiography on home page

Listening to Classic FM & working on my Book

Listening to Classic FM & working on my Book

(Which I need to get moving on)

classical fm

I know music is very subjective but I personally love Classical Music and often have it on in the background when I’m working on something that requires my total concentration.

This is not a normal or easy state of mind for me and to be frank it sometimes takes me a while to get into the flow – as I love to procrastinate. But Classical Music seems to have a magical switch that when turned on focus’s  my mind completely.

For a little while at least………..

Me when I was young & cool. And yes I am the one with shades on!!

I have a very diverse taste in ,music and can listen to almost anything , apart from heavy metal ( sorry guys)  and as a teenage Mod I worshiped the Mod bands of the 60’s & The Jam provided the  soundtrack to my teenage odyssey , which  was full of angst and exploration of the body and the mind. The drugs give me glimpses of a fleeting utopia and the music fed my soul.



For all the effects music is thought to have on the brainclassical music seems to fall in a gray area. … The results showed listening to classical music enhanced activity of genes involved in dopamine secretion (the feel good hormone), and “transport synaptic function, learning and memory.”


The Jam – Thick as Thieves :

One of my favorite tunes of all time. The  words speak to my soul.


I’m the one in the shades in case you wondering

See:  Mod days & getting stoned with Paul Weller

Classic FM. radio

My Proud Loyalist Heart

The definition of loyalist is :

a. A supporter of union between Great Britain and Northern Ireland

b. A person who remains loyal to the established ruler or government, especially in the face of a revolt.


Growing up in and around the Shankill during the worst years of the Troubles  it is hardly surprising to learn that  I hated Republicans and all they stood for. But that doesn’t mean I hated Catholic’s or Irish people and would  wish  any harm on them – I don’t and I didn’t.

It means I have a different point of view and democracy is all about freedom of choice and my choice is to maintain the Union with the UK and embrace and celebrate my loyalist culture and traditions. It also means I have the right to take pride in the union with the rest of the UK and I wear my nationality like a badge of honor for all the world to  see.

queen union jack.jpg

The other woman in my life


I’m helping ( just a little ) an American student write a thesis on Conflict and Compromise for an annual competition , National History Day and he has chosen to write about the Troubles and the  Northern Ireland Conflict and asked me for some input.

Which I’m happy to do so – but as a Proud protestant from the Shankill Road I’m always a little suspicious when people , especially Americans & Irish  folk ask me about the Troubles  & what my views on  the the various paramilitary groups  are.

Often they seem to think that I am guilty via association and make gross generalizations about my people and local community and I have also experienced  much prejudice both in mainland UK and abroad directed at my culture and protestant heritage. Ignorance reigns supreme and I have been astounded by the sheer stupidity & lack of understanding most folk have regarding the complex events that lead to 30 years of sectarian madness on the streets of Belfast & throughout Northern Ireland and the slaughter of 1000’s of innocent people from both communities.

I have learnt from personal experience that many  ” Irish Americans ” and other  deluded folk have a romantic view of Republican terrorists and  to put it frankly this really pisses me off. However I’ll save that rant for another post.

Once when I was in New York  visiting an American  friend I was invited to a family gathering and a group of about thirty of us went out for a meal. It was a pleasant enough evening until the talk turned to Northern Ireland and the “war” against  British oppression being waged by the “boys” in other words the IRA.

Now a few of the folk were second  & third  generation American Irish and boy did they get a bee in their bonnets  and I was left in no doubt were their loyalties lay.

Then to my utter amazement some fool called Sean starting saying it was all the fault of the PRODS (protestants )and they were solely responsible for the “war” and should all fuck of back to Scotland & mainland England and leave Ireland to the Irish.  I was fecking furious and had a face of thunder.

Apart from my friend none of those gathered knew I was protestant and I could see my friend dying a death at the other end of the table , obviously mortified. I excused myself and  went to the toilet , stopping at the bar for a quick drink to calm myself down. When I got back to the table….total silence and I assumed my friend had informed them of my protestant background.

The rest of the evening was awkward to say the lest and I ignored the sectarian bigot and other fools who had insulted my culture.

At the end of the evening the biggest fool Sean came up and tried to apologize and offered me his hand in friendship. I leaned over and informed him I thought he was a fecking dickhead and he should be ashamed of himself.He looked a bit startled and made his way out of the restaurant and I’m glad to say it was the last and thankfully only time I came across this bigoted bastard.



Questions about growing up in Loyalist west Belfast

Here are the questions I have been asked to address and please feel free to supply some feedback or your own views in the space at the bottom of the page.

  1. How did the IRA affect your life in Northern Ireland?
  2. How did the UDA (and other Protestant organizations) affect your life in Northern Ireland?
  3. What religion were you raised under?
  4. Did you receive discrimination due to your religion?
  5. Did you and your family feel that you had a better Quality of Life than Catholic families?
  6. Were you ever a victim of violence by the IRA?
  7. Do you believe that the Northern Ireland Conflict was either side’s (Unionists or Nationalists) fault?
  8. Do you believe that there is still a divide between Unionists or Nationalists in Northern Ireland today?
  9. After reports and evidence came out, do you have a position on Bloody Sunday?



What’s on my Mind ? Any Computer Experts out there?

I’ve been having a feckin nightmare with this laptop and am only now able to use it by the grace of the gods.

dulse seaweed

A few days ago it crashed and since then I have been unable to use it and its driving me bloody mad. On reflection I think I may have been suffering from Social Media blackout and I was going through the bends…I wonder.

Anyways I’v ran SFC Scannow , DISM and every other bloody utility that comes with Windows and is suppose to “SAVE” /repair the computer when things go south!!

When I reboot I keep getting a message saying the PC couldn’t start properly and they are gathering information. It then tries to fix the issue and the ” Automatic Repair screen kicks in and then it  keeps looping via this whole process.

its reports that a critical file is missing MSRPC.SY and I have tried everything to reinstate this bloody file.

Eventually I had to start the computer in “Safe” mode and after loading everything I couldn’t  even run the windowsmediainstallation thingy on the USB stick , because it tells me that “Windows 10 can’t be run on this computer.

So again I reboot and am able to boot to the installation thingy on the USB stick and it  gives me various options and I choose repair , then restore and it has two restore points (when I was in safe mode no restore points showed up) which I select one and the whole restore thingy kicks in and after a YEAR it completes and I am able get into Windows and use it, although many programs are not working properly. So I reboot  and it takes me right back to the first blue screen and I have to go through the whole dragged out process again, included the restore process.

I have decided that I hate this laptop & if it wasn’t for the colossal amount of pictures,files,web backup file ect on it , I would throw  out the window.

I also keep getting a message that a critical file is missing MSRPC.SYS or …

Sorry my brain is melting and I can’t write or think about this issue a movement longer. I’m going to walk away from the laptop and lay down for a bit.

Help my son get more subscribers

Dear Friends and fellow travelers my ten year old son Jude is very upset that he only has 28 subscribers to his developing You Tube channel and asked his dad to help get him some more.

Therefore if you have a moment  to spare and want to make a wee fella very happy please click the link below to subscribe to his channel.

Click here to go to his channel and subscribe to Gaming With Jude.


I’ve spent a bloody fortune on camera’s, lights, puppets and all sorts and I would like to see some results and if getting him  more subscribers encourage him we’ll all be happy!


Thank you all

Happy Fathers Day to Me & my Dad in Heaven!

Fathers day and my kids have spoiled me as usual , mostly chocolate & books which are two of my favorite things.


Having said that Jude seems to have eaten his way through most of my chocolate and me thinks this was his cunning plan all along.

cropped three

Also thinking of my beloved father John Chambers , who died way to young and is missed each and every day.

Dad & Me

Dad and Me

Also thinking of my wonderful father-in-law Royston , who is terminally ill and currently in hospital.

I Can’t Sleep……..




Image result for a peaceful night sleep

Sleep sleep sleep , oh what I would give for a good night’s sleep.

It’s almost four thirty in the morning and I am sat here wide awake and not the slightest bit tired. Although I am extremely tired of my shit life and the total lack of substance and satisfaction I am enjoying at the mo.

So I thought I would say hello and mess about on my computer for a while and seeing that the wife’s bingo was running in the background I thought I would play some games and as luck would have it I’ve just won £65.00 quid, although as its in her account I’ll not be seeing any of it and no doubt won’t even get a thank you.

Well she is pissed off – I’ve kept her awake most of the night.

I know what you’re thinking bingo? But I hate horse racing and anyways I couldn’t pick a winner if it was a one horse race.

I kid you not, but last Grand National (and the five before that) I placed about 10 bets on ten different horses, all each way and you know what? I didn’t win a penny, zilch!

Image result for horse racing funny

I must be the only Irish man on the planet who doesn’t have a natural affinity with horses and an in depth knowledge of the in’s and out’s of each and every horse that was ever born and run a race and I’m not on  first named terms with the local bookie, who considers all Irish men as his best friends – until the money runs dry.


Image result for stop smoking

My sleeps been all over the place for the past few weeks now and it’s getting me down. I stopped smoking on the 1st Jan (after thirty years of between 30 – 40 a day) and I’m using those Nicorette inhalators and apparently they can affect your sleep pattern and also giving up smoking can also play havoc with your natural equilibrium – according to the INTERNET!

But also I have many things going on at the minute that are stressing me out and to be honest my heads all over the place and I think I may be suffering from mild depression , brought on by a multitude of things that only I can change and/or deal with , but I just can’t seem to get to grip with it and burying my head in the sands has unsurprisingly achieved nothing thus far.

Image result for stressed

I know I need to face my shit head on and nothings gonna change until I man up and sort my life out once and for all. You may be wondering what the hell is going on with him? What’s so bad? And to be honest my tiny problems are so insignificant when I look around me and see what others are going through and the terrible suffering around the world and yet in my world the little things seem to be almost paralysing my ability to function properly and move forward…….

Ok, this train of thought is not making me feel any better , so I’m gonna try and sneak into bed ( without waking the wife) and get some sleep. Next time I write I’ll maybe go into more details about what’s making me so blue and I’m sorry for being so miserable and down , but I’m having an off day and we have those from time to time.

I promise tomorrow I’ll pick myself up .

Because as the saying goes “ Tomorrow is another day”

Nite nite

Image result for night night