Category Archives: pop culture echoes

Who do you think I am ?

Blog, mod days, My Life, pop culture echoes, , , , ,

Pop culture echoes

Trigger warning: ⚠️This post touches on my deep pride and love of my loyalist culture and traditions and if this is not of interest or offends you , please feel free to continue scrolling.

Who Do You Think I Am?

It’s a question that divides opinion, and I’m acutely aware that many people’s first impressions of me are shaped by their political, religious, or cultural background. Those impressions are also influenced by the way my life story has been portrayed in my book and across mainstream and social media. I make no secret of my deep and abiding love for my loyalist culture and background. I know that is a deeply polarising issue, but in my experience, most people I take the time to engage with show me the same respect I give them.

See: The Evolution of My Loyalist Identity

The simplest answer, of course, is that I’m John Chambers. But depending on who the question is aimed at , I can be seen in very different ways:

  • To some, I’m the bloke who wrote the bestselling book A Belfast Child.
  • To others, I’m that loyalist fella who appeared in Once Upon a Time in Northern Ireland.
  • To republican fanboys and haters, I’m an orange bastard, a planter, a bigot, a racist, a neo-Nazi, they know nothing!
  • To many who follow me on X and through my website, I’m a blogger who shares interesting content, epic music, and random banter whenever the mood takes me—often fuelled by copious amounts of alcohol and the occasional spliff.
  • To my family and close friends, I’m Stephen

But anyone who takes the time to know me properly will find there is far more to me than the stereotype of a Belfast loyalist with a love of music and popular culture.

What lays beneath

Beneath that exterior, I’m passionate about social justice and deeply curious about history, politics, current affairs, science, and much more. I thrive on deep, meaningful conversation. There are many layers to my character that are not obvious to the casual—or biased—observer. If I’m honest, I see myself as one of the good guys: someone with a deep, and at times painful, empathy for people who have been dealt a hard hand by fate, as I was in my younger years. If you’ve read my book you’ll understand that statement .

Can You See the Real Me?

Although I was christened John Stephen Chambers, after my da and grandda, I’ve always been known as Stephen—with a P—by my family, friends, and the tribal community I grew up in, for reasons lost in the corridors of time.

Throughout my life, I’ve been known by many different names. At times, that caused confusion with official documents and introductions and led to mix-ups at school or later when I entered the job market and had to produce my National Insurance number or passport. Still, the variety of names has added a distinctive twist to my story, making my personal history even more interesting—if occasionally complicated.

The Names That Shaped Me ?

A Boy Named Sue

Apparently, it’s quite common across the UK and Ireland to be known by a middle name, and to be honest I never gave it much thought until I was older and had to show official ID as I entered the adult world. To add to the confusion, I have a younger cousin also called Steven (Pickle), so within the family and community we became Big Stephen and Little Stephen. As a child, my family nick name was  Big Bird—not because I was yellow, but because I was tall—and, to my bemusement and annoyance, some of my cousins still call me that. Yes, Linda, I’m looking at you.

Mostly, though, my family call me Our Stephen, and I’m perfectly happy with that.

Jay and myself

One of my childhood friends and closest mates, Belfast mod legend Jay McFall, has always called me simply Chambers, and has done so since we were kids growing up in the crazy 80s. I’ve no idea why. Later, when I became a mod and started spending time in the pubs and clubs in the city centre and beyond, most people on the scene called me Chambers too. It became just another name added to the long list I’d collected throughout my life, along with all the bemusement and occasional bewilderment that came with it.

Honouring My Da

As I grew older and wiser, I came to embrace my official name, John Chambers—not just as the name on official documents, but as a way of honouring my da and keeping his memory alive. Over time, it became more than a formality. It became a small but meaningful connection to where I come from and to the man whose name I carry—someone I have missed every day since he died fifty years ago.

To carry on that legacy, I named my son Jude John Chambers, and my brother David did the same with his son, John Chambers.

My dad’s name will live on. Perhaps one day, when I am dust and long gone, a distant descendant tracing our family history will come across my book or this blog post and, for a moment, feel they have found me. Perhaps through these words they will come to know the real me, and understand not only who I was, but where I came from and what mattered most to me.

Link to: Why Are Names Important

London Calling

By my late teens, I had grown weary of Belfast and the chaos that shaped my daily life, so I made the life-changing decision to move to London and start over. There were many reasons for leaving, but at the heart of it was a deep unhappiness with the life I was living and a profound despair at the unending violence and brutality that surrounded me—and Belfast more generally.

I was living in the heartlands of loyalist Ulster, and there was no escaping the sectarian madness that ruled and ruined our daily lives. By then, I had started mixing with and dating Catholics, and that opened up an entirely new universe to me—one that had previously been out of bounds.

That may be difficult for people outside that world to fully understand, but throughout my childhood and teens I had been segregated from my Catholic counterparts. Apart from those I met during my many hospital stays, I had never really socialised with Catholics or had Catholic friends.

I was on a voyage of discovery, and Belfast had become too small for me. So I packed my bags and my dreams, boarded a plane for the first time, and stepped into a new and exciting chapter of my life—a never-ending party fuelled by alcohol and drugs.

See: Why I Left Belfast

Before you go

A few of my favorite choons about names

  1. Jolene’ by Dolly Parton
  2. Sweet Caroline’ by Neil Diamond
  3. A Boy Named Sue’ by Johnny Cash
  4. David Watts The Kinks/Jam
  5. ‘Lola’ by The Kinks
  6. Eleanor Rigby’ by The Beatles
  7. Come On, Eileen’ by Dexy’s Midnight Runners
  8. Maggie May’ by Rod Stewart
  9. ‘Me and Bobby McGee’ by Janis Joplin
  10. Layla’ by Derek and the Dominos
  11. ‘Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds’ by The Beatles
  12. ‘Gloria’ by Laura Branigan
  13. Proud Mary’ by Creedence Clearwater Revival
  14. Mrs. Robinson’ by Simon & Garfunkel
  15. Hey Jude’ by The Beatles
  16. My Sharona’ by The Knack
  17. The Wind Cries Mary’ by The Jimi Hendrix Experience
  18. Who Are You’ by The Who
  19. Ruby Tuesday’ by The Rolling Stones
  20. Valerie’ by Amy Winehouse

See: 100 Classic Songs With People’s Names in the Title

Should I Stay or Should I Go – Back to Belfast ?

A Belfast Child : My Story, Blog, pop culture echoes

Should I Stay or Should I Go ?

I’m torn  between going or staying .

Throughout my time living and working in London and recent  years in and around the North West of England it was always my long term intention that when I reached a ripe old age and my kids had settled into happy  secure  independent adult lives  I would relocate to Belfast and spend the remainder  of my time in the company of  friends and loved ones and the Shankill  community  that has always been my spiritual home and where my heart and soul were forged within the heartlands and hallowed streets of loyalist Belfast .

You can take the boy out of the Shankill but you can’t take the Shankill out of the boy  , Oh so true .

But as usual my path through life has seldom been straight forward and the Norms in their infinite wisdom and cruel nature weaved me a crooked path fluctuating  between epic highs  and soul destroying lows.

To be honest these past five years have been the most trying and stressful I’ve faced in decades of relative happiness and personal satisfaction and to say they have taken a toll on my mental and emotional wellbeing would be something of an understatement.

Looking back it all started to fall apart when I lost my much missed and loved  mum to cancer, a heartbreaking period that I am still trying to come to terms with.  If you are familiar with my history, you’ll know I spent many years not knowing if mum was alive or dead and the turmoil this caused throughout my early and teenage  years is laid bare in my best-selling book A Belfast Child .

Buy Me A Coffee

Come on – I had to get a plug in somewhere 😜

In fact back in the early 2000’s I was seriously considering leaving London altogether (I’d had enough of the rat race and a coke habit that was threatening to get out of hand ) and the possibility of moving back to Belfast and sorting myself out was one of two tempting options opened to me and my growing family. Mum was the second and she made it crystal clear she would love for me to live closer to her and help me get back on my feet . So I delayed my return home and we relocated to a little town on the outskirts of Preston, where we have lived since.

It was great to be so close to mum and we were able to spend quality time together getting to know each other and mending the damage of our tragic family history. The gravitational weight of my traumatic childhood has been a constant presence throughout my life and parts of my soul  will always be held hostage to the past.

Nevertheless, this was one of the happiest and most productive periods of my life and at times it seemed I had an almost perfect life and wanted for nothing.

But as the years ticked by the pull of Belfast was becoming stronger and I missed and longed to be in the company of those I love and cherished above all others. Mostly I missed my three siblings and best mate “ Billy “  , we are supernaturally close  and I grew to resent the years I had spent away from them.

And a little voice inside my head constantly reminded me that we were only given a brief spell on this mortal coil and time was running out.

Time keeps on slipping into the future

My biggest fear , a fear shared by all of us was that one of us might die prematurely and the landscape and future of our close  family unit would be reshaped and destroyed forevermore.

After mums’ death the only thing keeping me in England was the fact my two children had been born and raised here and all their memories and historical roots were firmly planted in English soil . So once again I kicked the idea of the move home into the long grass and settled into the humdrum existence of daily life.

There were some high points during this period and after years of toying with the idea of seeing my story in print I finally managed to get a book deal and realised one of my long-held dreams.  Subconsciously I think I was a little uncomfortable with publishing the book whilst mum was alive , although I had completed most of it back in the late 90s and she had read and approved of the early drafts.

As you may suspect this was not a straightforward process and there were many soul destroying bumps and rejections along the way but I persevered and much to my delight the book has went onto be a bestseller. Despite the popular misconception being a bestselling author  has not made me rich , far from it and like many I struggle sometimes financially to make ends meet. Having said that I know the book will be my legacy and fingers crossed I’m working on a film script that I hope to sell in the coming years.

Stay tuned.

I will be covering the whole journey from concept to publication of the book in a future post and Princess Diana features in this story.  

Life went on and my fragile soul struggled to deal with mums passing but always in the background I had my two sister’s supporting and comforting me from Belfast. Both desperately wanting me to return, and Jean was forever begging me to come home and to be honest I wanted nothing more. I began to feel trapped in England due to the dilemma of my children and the deep roots they had planted here, and I could see no way forward.

But the fates love to toy with the destinies of mortal men and the unpredictability of life  weaved by the wicked Norns was about to shake my world to its very foundations and nothing would ever be the same. In the space of twenty four short months I lost three members of my close family, my uncle William, much loved brother in law Richard and the hardest loss of all my beloved big sister Jean. My grief and sorrow were biblical and the pain of losing Jean took me to dark places that hunt me still.

To make things even more difficult during this brutal period my “perfect” marriage of twenty-eight years was falling apart and suddenly I had to adjust to being a single parent and living alone in a life I had grown to detest.

To be completely honest these events are still too raw and painful for me to write about in-depth and I will leave them here for now. but I find the process of putting my thoughts on paper cathartic and will be covering these in a later post.

Oh , I almost forgot to mention in the midst of all this turmoil I was diagnosed with a potential life threatening brain aneurysm and I will cover this also in an upcoming post.

All these events have led  me to a crossroad in my life and once again I am seriously considering moving back to Belfast permanently . Although I love England and its been good to me I have nothing left here but my children (and three legged cat) and they both understand and support my desire move back home. Autumn has now flown the nest and is settled with her new fella and yes I approve of him. Jude is a typical grumpy teenager and splits his time happily between his mum and me and as long as we feed him and give him money, he is happy with his lot and for me to move back to Belfast.

But it’s not that black and white for me.

He’s only seventeen and in my eyes still a child, although he thinks he’s a big man! I want to be there for him as he grows and matures and evolves as a young adult and be there to share and support him through the trials and tribulations life throws at him. I want to be there when he has he’s first pint in a pub , ( a regret I never had with my own dad) be there to pick him up when he falls down and be a constant presence in his life. Down the line when my children marry ( or not ) and have their own kids I want to be part of their lives and not a distant grandfather living over the Irish sea they see a few times a year. Also, since Jeans death Belfast has lost some of its magic for me as spending time with her was always a highlight of my trips home and in some ways I would feel guilty moving back when she’s not there.

So what am I going to do ?

Stay tuned and when I make up my mind Ill let you know x

That’s all for now folks, I’m pushing myself to write again as I’ve not put pen to paper in almost two years and I’m a little rusty and out of practice. . So be gentle with me please.

Before you go

Upcoming posts :

The reasons I left Belfast.

Book writing process and publication

My movie script, where I’m at

Once upon a time in Northern Ireland, why thoughts and the process of taking part

My love of music and how its shaped my life

And much more…